The Death of Casey Slaughter

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“We did it!” Thompson yelled, firing a burst of machine gun fire in the air.

Luke frowned. “Why did he turn his back on us?”

“Grllk?” Jerry said. Or rather, the twisted abomination that had devoured Jerry’s brain said. It limped down the stairs that lead to the base of the guard tower.

“Who cares?” Thompson said. “He’s dead and we’re not! We’re going to get promoted for sure! We took down Casey Slaughter!”

“Yeah,” Luke said hesitantly. “But he just fired off a quick burst at us, then turned away. Like there was no way we could have survived that.”

“Bah! He didn’t even come close to hitting us.”

“That’s my point. He shot at the base of the tower, like a few machine gun bullets could topple it. Casey Slaughter’s killed thousands of soldiers like us, not to mention dozens of the Devoured. Why would he make such a stupid mistake?”

Thompson laughed. “You’re overthinking it.” The creature that used to be Jerry came back up the stairs, carrying something red in his arms.

“You’re underthinking it. Even not-Jerry thinks there’s something fishy. Don’t you?”

“Grllk”, it gurgled.

“See? And he doesn’t even have a brain anymore. What do you have there, anyway?”

The Devoured put a heavy-looking metal drum down in front Luke. It sloshed, and Luke could the smell gasoline leaking out of a dozen small holes.

Luke stared at it for a long moment, his brain trying to make sense of it.

“Something very odd is going on,” he finally said.

“What?” Thompson said. “It’s just a barrel. Bad Devoured. Don’t bring junk up here.”

Luke sighed. “It’s not just a barrel. It’s a red barrel.”

“So?”

“And it’s full of bullet holes.”

“What’s your point?”

“Grll” the abomination warbled, annoyance creeping into its, for lack of a better word, voice.

“Okay,” Thompson said, “It’s red, and it’s full of bullet holes. What’s that got to do with anything?”

The twisted creature didn’t have eyes, but it managed to look condescendingly at Thompson anyway.

“Think about it,” Luke said. “What happens when you shoot a red barrel?”

“It explodes. Duh!” Thompson paused, then whipped his head to look at the barrel again. “It didn’t explode? Why didn’t it explode?”

“That’s my point,” Luke said, clenching his teeth. “Something odd is going on. Those barrels can only take two shots from the B4S-1C pistol without exploding – if you haven’t upgraded it all. Slaughter was using the Ad-v4 NCE assault rifle, with the barrel extension from the sound of it. One bullet should have set this off and taken down the whole tower, but he hit it a dozen times, and all it’s doing is… leaking.”

“I didn’t even know they could leak!” Thompson said. “Who do we go to about this?”

“Rrrglk. Kr’k’g.”

Luke rubbed at his temples. “You’re right. Dr. Psycho’s an expert at blowing stuff up. Maybe he can tell us why this didn’t.”

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Prompt: Realistic Physics Are Unrealistic

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TDK provided another prompt this week. Although he enjoyed the Avengers movie, some of the physics about the helicarrier bothered him. So this week’s prompt is to have fictional characters (superheroes, video game characters, whatever) complaining about how our physics don’t make any sense from their point of view.

Good luck and good writing!